Day 4

Slept in. Wandered the city's botanical gardens. Had some good Aussie brew with lunch. Walked the pier and even found a row of Korean restaurants and stores. Now for some reason I feel sick...I have been lying down for a while and can't hold down any food. I feel terrible.

I should have just gone straight home to Virginia. As much as I try to convince myself that this is fun...solo wandering is fun only when you've got someone to go back to at the end of the day so you can share your adventures.

Being sick, alone and in a foreign country sucks ass...

Day 3 - Make or break

Exhausted from the two days of nonstop traveling, I somehow got it in my head that my flight was due to depart Melbourne at 1400...my arrival time to my final Australia destination: Brisbane.

Long story short, I missed the flight and had to book a completely new one with a different airline. It's departure time: 1400.

It's a 2 hour flight.

Song of the day: Under the Bridge - RHCP

Music is a very personal and special part of my life. Amidst the choir practices and hundreds (yes, a fair assessment for 8 years) of piano lessons, I could never imagine a life without it. Freshman year in the Virginia Tech Corps of Cadets was especially challenging. The fact that music was deemed a privilege was insulting and inhibiting to my personal growth and values. Despite my frustrations, the experience did teach me a lesson in patience (to an extent) and further deepened my relationship to how much of an impact music has and continues to have on my life.

Through every run, pushup and sit-up...music has been there for me. A familiar voice in my head screaming at me to "don't stop believing" as the beat continues to rock on and on. Every breakup came with its own artist dedicated to play song after song until I was done getting over feeling whatever I was feeling. Therapeutic and in a way, validation for the pain I was feeling, I've always turned to music when I had bad days at work or just when I felt bad, period. Nothing else in the world has been a more consistent source of inspiration, hope and motivation than music has been to me.

I could not imagine a world without it.

///

Arrived in Brisbane and took the train into town. Unfortunately, my trip for tomorrow got cancelled and now I've got a few extra days to find something interesting to do in "Brisvegas." Hopefully, I can get out of my shell and make it count. I didn't travel all this way to do nothing!

P.S. Traveling alone sucks! But it definitely makes you come to grips with enjoying your own company.

It took me two days to get here...worth the journey.

Day 2 - Phuket and the final leg to Australia

Woke up to the sound of thunder. You could hear the rain and wind cut through the island and all I could think was - please do. Give me adventure.

1 hour later, I was dressed and headed to the airport for my journey to the whole point of this: Australia

But first. I have to go back to Kuala Lumpur. Round two and as soon as I get here, I can't wait to leave again. There's just something about this place that doesn't feel welcoming to single travelers.

We're all herded like cattle from one waiting area to another. It feels kinda pointless, but at least I'm getting a decent wireless signal. I should have brought a book!

I do need to give a shout out to a few good friends (you know who you are) that keep me company via the wonders of the web as I go about my travels. Right now, I'm a total advocate of Facebook and Skype.

You know what sucks about aisle seating? Nothing....except when you're right next to the bathroom. It smells like pee...haha. Oh well. Glad I brought the bath and body works hand sanitizer. At least there's no screaming babies. Winning in some aspects.

So I've got time to think. Happens when you've got no one to pass the time with. Hmm.

People and things that annoy you and me:
- The military rivalry. Ok guys. Chair Force. Army strong, not smart. Yut yut...Etc, etc. After the third or fourth time, you become annoying and your unoriginality concerns me due to the lack of value you add to any conversation. Let's move on to something more interesting.
- The game. Let's just call "it" what it is. It's a game. People just don't let people know they are flat out interested any more...and if they do, they are most likely considered creepy.
-The "He's just not that into you" book. Yes. In most cases it makes some very valid points, but it doesn't mean it's not annoying to realize that the reason for rejection can be dumbed down to one sentence.
- People who only dish it out, but can't take it
- People who let their friends (not one friend, but a group) cut in front of a very long line. If our eyes had lasers, these people would be toast.
- Why so many single officers are highly superficial and only want sex? It's a shame that a college degree doesn't lend itself to also providing someone with a great set of morals and established self control to truly want something more than that. What a joke we are sometimes. I've known 18 year olds that conduct themselves with more maturity, self-respect and dignity than that of my fellow peers.
- People who smell bad on an airplane. I wouldn't mind if I could escape. But I'm stuck!
- The fact that I'm running out of hand sanitizer
- Helicopter parents that are quick to point the finger of blame at anyone else except themselves
- America's not-so-amazing education system
- Obesity in America and how my American friends complain about small portion sizes in other countries
- When you make plans with a friend and they bail at the last minute
- How time only seems to go slow when you want it to fly by...and vice versa
- I wish I could see karma in action
- People who aren't humble
- People who think they're perfect
- Selfishness
- Loving yourself doesn't come naturally to everyone and some people struggle to believe in this
- Being yourself comes at the price that you can't please everyone
- One mistake friendships where I make one mistake and there goes the friendship. Some friendship, right?
- The horrid smell in this plane
- Really picky eaters
- Korean Mosquito bites - yes, there is a difference!
- The irony that some of the people who claim to be "cultured" are some of the most closed-minded and judgmental of them all
- People who ask me why I'm still single. Or wait, the people who tell me it's time for me to get married.
- How hot it is in here. No lie, I'm standing in the corner, fanning myself with a hello kitty-shaped fan.

Midnight and I'm finally in Melbourne. Don't know if it's the lack of sleep but the bed I'm lying in meow is just as amazing as the one in Phuket.

Song of the day...Movin' away by My Morning Jacket

My Journey to Happy - Little Black Submarine and the good in others

No matter how you think you want to act when a situation occurs - you\"re more often to be likely surprised or at the very least humbled when the opportunity presents itself for your reaction.



To be perfectly honest, my last two weeks in the RoK felt rushed in a half-hearted attempt to try to force myself to believe that I was departing with a confident sense of closure.



What a crock of shit.



Always the nice person. Always the giver. You would think after all these years of being taken advantage of and for granted by so many people that I trust---I would become just another another jaded soul.



Nope. Not yet! I believe in the good in people, shit happens, mistakes are made and we sometimes say things that we don\"t really mean. I still would like to believe most people aren\"t a bunch of self-serving parasites out to get "theirs." Negativity thrives in a world where people subconsciously support it with their claim that they\"re just being "realistic." No. You\"re just a self-righteous prick that needs to get over yourself. Life is about attitude and yours sucks.



My last day in the RoK was like one really bad, yet awesome roller coaster ride. A cute guy even followed me out of the BX to ask for my number. I felt and looked great! But good things seem to always come at a price and I suffered one indignity that almost nearly ruined the day for me. However, life has a funny and unnerving way of knocking you down, but still give you opportunity to pick yourself up. Sometimes I find it very sad and ironic that it is not a good friend - but a complete stranger or acquaintance that comes to your rescue in a time of need. But then again, it\"s why I will always try to see the good in people (despite how discouraged I can sound in my writing, I honestly believe people in general...are good).



But I digress...



The following day at the check-in counter at Incheon was especially difficult and made me realize that I still do care very much about a certain person. If it really meant something...if it felt real...then you can\"t turn OFF your feelings like a light switch. It takes time. Sitting next to an empty chair on two different flights for an entire day was a crude reminder of how I wasn\"t worth the stay. It did not feel good. The two hour delay only seemed to prolong this feeling...time can only heal this. I know this.



Next, the layover in Kuala Lumpur was possibly one of the longest layovers in my entire life. Possibly because I prefer not to travel alone. I stuck out because I was traveling alone...as a painfully obvious, white, single female. But I equate success to making it to the boarding time...on time. So far so good.



My final stop was an overnight in Phuket. The hotel owner was a nice, old British man who came to pick me up from the airport when I arrived two hours late from my projected arrival time (my aircraft was also delayed at Kuala Lumpur, go figure).



So...if you haven\"t done something nice for someone today. How about you start...with me?



Oh and Little Black Submarine is a great tune by the Black Keys that served as my song on repeat for the day. I highly recommend that you google it. I plan on having one for every time I write up on here...



Two weeks of photos below in random order!

How to Love and other nice things...

As I sit here, I'm playing Lil Wayne's "How to Love" on repeat and it speaks to me on so many levels.

//////////////////////

You can't have a man look at you for 5 seconds
Without you being insecure
You never credit yourself so when you got older
It's seems like you came back 10 times over
Now you're sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder...

See you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever
Now you in the corner tryna put it together
How to love...

//////////////////////

I never said the "L" word to the last one. Partially because I'm under the belief the man should say it first and also because I've been burned twice (the first was real love and the second was just foolish lust). Two times was enough for me to realize that LOVE probably isn't worth hoping for anymore... 

So what is love?

I'm not sure anymore.

I thought I knew what it was. I thought love was simple. You love the person. He loves you. All the other stuff can be moved around, be adjusted and re-arranged if it's real love. You can call it work, effort, whatever - bottom line: you want to be together, so you both make it happen. End of story.

I don't know anymore.

I've seen so many people in and around my life whose actions are the antithesis of "love." Mostly, this is in the form of infidelity that usually starts off as sex and progresses to emotional levels of betrayal. It's made me question not only the purpose of marriage, but whether if there is really anyone out there in MY peer group that will treat it seriously - and not just like another contract that you can opt out of due to "irreconcilable differences." But I'm guessing marriage and love are different. I just don't understand why they should be? In my mind, love comes with the territory. If a guy can't see that, then he's not for me. I guess this is where I go wrong.

But back to the "L" word. Being stationed overseas for over 3 years...you see the ugly side of human nature. The side where people are willing to risk it all for a no-strings-attached/fling/f-buddy type of scenario. In my humble opinion, it reads to me as: lack of self-control and love. Love is sacrifice. Self-control is sacrifice. So....Love = self-control. Right? Any mathematicians out there?

It makes me sad that someone can say they love a person and not act like it.

Don't worry. Before I came to this conclusion, I was under the assumption that love is like a roaring flame and blah blah blah. But I was wrong. Love is like trying to keep a fire going in a cold, damp forest and you're all out of matches. It's a lot of work, but you know the fire is worth it and that's why you do your best to keep it going. OH and I forgot. You're not alone. You got someone to help you with this and you both are invested in this...

Yea. I just equated love to a sad, camp fire and I barely know how to start one myself!!

Then again. Life is complicated and I can't stand those people who claim to be "simple." No. You are lazy and boring! Life is about making decisions, taking opportunities, accepting the consequences and just doing something about it. When others get involved (i.e. the people you care about), it further complicates things. Unless you live alone under a rock on a remote island, shush. You can be lazy and boring though...you keep that...or do something about it.



Maybe because life is complicated...love just adds to the chaos.

I don't know!

I've dabbled in a bit of everything here tonight, haven't I?

Please don't assume that I believe that people who are unfaithful are bad. They probably aren't. Which further complicates things. But I will say this: as someone who's been cheated on, it's possibly one of the cruelest ways you can hurt someone. But I'm slowly finding out that the silent treatment (even in a faithful relationship) can be equally as cruel.

If you knew you were going to hurt someone you at least CARED about (doesn't have to be love), wouldn't you want to soften the blow?

In every failed relationship of mine, the guy has always done it over the phone or text.

I'm starting to think this is truly the norm, love is just a pretty word and we're all trying to convince ourselves that we conduct ourselves with more dignity and tact than we really deserve.

How to ruin a perfectly good recipe

So there I was...

...sitting in my living room surrounded by mounds of clothing in a half-hearted attempt to do some "spring cleaning." I moved everything to the front room because when you live in a big apartment by yourself...you'll do just about anything to not feel like you're the only one living there. The bigger mess I create, the more "lived in" it feels.

This is why I hate cleaning when you're single.

It leaves so much space for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

In college, it was a different story. I cleaned my room (partly because I had to...I was at a military college), but space was precious commodity there - so cleaning was an incentive to create as much room for myself as I almost always shared a room in the dorms. I'm even thankful that each of my roommates were kind enough to let me sleep on the bottom bunk (I have a bad habit of rolling around and off the bed). Still, the beds were pretty high up and I've incurred the wrath of the tiling on several occasions. But at least it was a clean floor!

I admit. I got a little off-topic.

Sooooo...you want to know what I ate for dinner tonight? Probably not. But I'm going to tell you. So you can click away if you want.

2 White Cheddar Rice Cakes, a special K-bar and a single serving of "natural" applesauce.

Mmmm...not.

I was actually not hungry. But I'm trying to find a balance as I've been reduced to gorging myself at one meal (usually lunch) because I'm unmotivated to do anything but sleep when the day ends. Dinner is not appealing to me. Breakfast is not a priority.

I know better. Trust me. I have 2 degrees that should say different. But it's the motivation that's the key to this. I have the knowledge. I just don't have the motivation.

Moving on.

I had some turkey sausage that I knew was going to go bad this week if I didn't use it. I personally, have never tried turkey sausage. In my ignorance, it sounded like a healthy idea. But I don't like any sausage...I don't know why I bought it. Guilt trip induced, impulse buy?

I started to scour the internet for ideas. I tried to stick to one recipe, but I got distracted by blinking links and high-res food photography - at least the end product is still edible! Fortunately, I have yet to create a complete disaster....

It's okay. I actually really like the rice (I've realized I could care less for turkey sausage). But the rice has a nice kick.

This started out as 1 recipe...evolved into several...and ended up not even following a damn thing any of them had to say.

Fraternal Cupcakes...mmmmm...fraternal.

So easy: Devil's food cake, Diet Dr. Pepper, 2 egg whites

350 deg F...20 min later

Homemade whip cream!!

Choco Cupcake w/Whip Cream topping!

MMmmmmmm...

Round 2

Butter...cream....frosting?

Oh noes!! It looks...not good.

Just kidding!  I fixed it.  I know magic.

Choco Cupcake w/buttercream frosting!

Dinner?